They're Your Family

Is blood-family really important? It's a question my brother and I have been wondering about for a while now. While there are some successful and happy families out there, are dysfunctional families who spend time together while hating each other so common that we all just grin and bear it?

For my entire life my family experience has been rather limited. It's been Mom, Dad, me, and my brother for my entire life with the first thirteen years seeing my paternal grandparents on birthdays, holidays and occasionally. I've seen my maternal grandparents a handful of times during those years and then we moved away from everyone to Arizona, more than 2,000 miles away. 

When you get older, you become privy to all the things about your family that you were too young to know- the problems, the scandals, the skeletons. Maybe your family doesn't have that- count yourself among the lucky ones while the rest of us deal with all this crazy bullshit. 

This is just leading to my question: is this important? Why do we have to associate with people who we may completely detest because of some arbitrary belief that shared genetics makes us important one another?

Personally, my grandparents are the only part of my extended family I really care about, save one uncle. My other aunts, uncles, and cousins (one, I haven't even met that has been around for already 10 years) are so removed from me that I can barely count them among my close acquaintances and they don't seem bothered by this and rarely, if ever, reach out to me anyway. We have never gotten gifts for one another and on what handful of holidays we've spent together it feels awkward. I could probably walk into some random dining hall and feel the same amount of connection to anyone sitting there. 

Are we all just looking for permission that we don't have to do this? 

Dear Everyone Reading,

Here's your permission to not give a shit about members of your family. If you've tried to get along and they hate you or are abusive, annoying, and all around
terrible people- you don't have to fake it, move on and 
find people, friends you do love and care about who feel the same way about you. If you love most of your family and there's a select couple that unfortunately come around the people you do love, you don't have to like them. Don't bother trying anymore. Ignore their existence, move on, and that is perfectly okay. This is about self preservation and if you are allowed to cut toxic people out of your life. 

I always thought that "friends are chosen family" was sappy and trite but as I get older, I'm seeing the phrase's truthfulness. These are people you choose to love and choose to spend your time and shared experiences. Isn't that a stronger bond than just shared genetics?