Random Review: Applebee's

It has been nearly five years since I have chosen to darken the door of an Applebee's. After living in a small town in which fine dining was limited to Applebee's or the fancier alternative, Olive Garden, I was sick of the restaurant. 

The final straw came four years ago when my husband and I decided to try Applebee's once since we'd moved and got a sampler appetizer that seemed like a safe choice. How could one possibly fuck up boneless wings, mozzarella sticks, and a quesadilla? Well, someone surely discovered a way because it came to our cold and soaked in grease that had time to collect while the appetizer sat waiting to be delivered to our table.

"Never again, Applebee's" became our mantra for the next few years. 

Fast forward to now and I've been aptly fooled by various Applebee's commercials promising delicious meals at great prices. I was duped by the commercial steak that sizzled seductively on a grill as seasonings fell onto it like tasty confetti. Like an old boyfriend I thought, maybe he's changed? Maybe it won't be grotesque, cold slop delivered to me on a greasy plate? What if they've rebranded and their food is actually edible now?... I won't know unless I give it another chance. 

We arrived at Applebee's almost reluctantly and we fought the urge to yell at some customers returning to their car, "HEY! Was your food good?!" We all had hope that maybe Applebee's had finally grown up. After all, they're still in business they have to be doing something right? 

The new interior design gave us some hope as we arrived at our table to glance over the new menu. After deciding on an appetizer that didn't include the stomach-churning idea of cheeseburger egg rolls (*HORK*), the wonton chicken tacos arrived at our table on a weathered metal serving tray. Okay, okay it's not old... they're going for a rustic look. 

The tacos were passable, a little too sweet for my taste but edible even though they were very crumbly due to being made from wonton wrapping. 

Russ ordered a brunch burger that looked promising and I stuck with a chicken fiesta salad. You can't fuck up salad, right?

My salad arrived with hardly any chicken and covered in so much dressing that the salad was more like a slaw. Terrible. I kept comparing the price to Red Robin which is a far superior salad for the same $10.99. Russ complained that his burger was so salty, his tongue was nearly hurting. Despite being such a burger lover, he didn't even finish it. 

With tip this meal came to $44 and it will be the last dollar amount I ever spend at one of the worst chain restaurants in the country. I would probably lick the floor of a Chili's before I would touch another Applebee's entree. 

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